It has been said that a parent’s role is to “protect and prepare our children to survive and thrive in the world in which they will live.”-Michael H. Popkin
If we truly want our children to not only survive in this world, but also thrive, there are ways we can cultivate such attitudes and abilities in them. One of the main things we can do, is recognize the difference between active parenting versus complacent parenting.
Who would want to be such a pushover that their children walked all over them and who would want to be the tyrannical dictator that enforced their wills on rebellious children? Neither of those positions sound like any fun to me. The idea of active parenting is simply being available for your child, and mostly understanding the key principles of parenting.
If we want to most effectively provide direction, help, and assistance to our children, we need to know how to communicate effectively. Experience shows time and time again that “by the time children are teens, the only real tool you have to influence them is your relationship.” Control is the biggest way to forfeit that relationship.
Have you ever wanted to do something and asked someone’s advice? Have they ever told you that you shouldn’t, couldn’t, or simply don’t do it? When others presume to tell us what to do, and how to do it, it is a natural man’s tendency to become offended, resentful, and infinitely more likely to go and do that which was advised against in an attitude of, “Don’t tell me what to do.” We are much more open to suggestions, people sharing experiences and what happened to them, but ultimately, choices need to rest with us. It is similar with children.
When we parent, it would be wise to allow our children to make their own choices, to grow and learn from their experiences, especially from the natural consequences of their choices, whether they are good or bad. Dr. Michael Popkin even suggests that parents should allow natural consequences to happen to their children except when the situation would prove dangerous for the child and others (such as a child playing with power tools), the consequences of that decision would be too far into the future to be of immediate help, and if someone else is going to be negatively affected by a choice (such as shoplifting—it not only affects the child, but the person whose property is stolen).
Natural consequences can come in many ways. As parents, we can do our best to lovingly, not accusingly, communicate experiences we’ve had that make us view what they’re going through in a certain light, we need to sympathize with our children when they struggle through a negative effect of their natural consequences so they can see that they’re still loved and supported.
By doing these things, children can learn resilience, know they have someone they can always turn to for advice and love, and they become confident and resilient, problem solving individuals.
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